The Journey From Where it All Began
by Oswald Bastable
Summary: A humorous and somewhat sentimental fanfic based on the old, old, old original Civilization game. Told from the point of view of the elusive Intelligence Advisor. Follow the Civilization of the Americans as they embark on an epic journey of war, peace, strife and wonky game mechanics through the ages in order to build Civilization "to stand the test of time".
1. Chapter 1: In the Beginning

_A.N. Thanks for checking this out. This is a Civ 1 fic._ _Specifically_ _a Civ 1 fic. Dang, I feel like a Pokémon Genwunner now... Not that there's anything wrong with the later games; or that you need to have played the original to understand this. I moved onto the newer versions myself, eventually. But Civ 1 was a huge part of my childhood, and this fic will, hopefully, capture at least some of the wonkiness, but also the sheer epicness and grandeur of that game. That old game. That grand game. That very first game of... CIVILIZATION! (Cue theme; all caps courtesy of Sid Meier)._

 _Enjoy._

 **Chapter 1: In the Beginning**

Good afternoon. You don't know me. Well, probably not; but you can find me if you know where to look. Can't see me, though. Ever. This is Civ 1, and I'm the Intelligence Advisor.

It's surprisingly unglamorous how you found a civilization, don't you know. First, you get a tribe. A pretty big tribe, admittedly, 10 000 people, give or take some kids. That's how much people's in a Settler. That's how many people the Americans were when we started. I know this because I'm the Intelligence Advisor, and I also do Demographics. So anyway, you get a tribe. Then you get a Leader; those can be really hit-and-miss. Of course, they're all pretty powerful, but some of them are just stupid. If you get a good one, though, you're set. Ours seems promising. Joe Washington is what he calls himself. Get it? No? Neither does anyone else. But he seems to find it pretty funny.

Then you get the Advisors. Military Advisor. Pretty self-explanatory. He was in charge of the tribe before Leader Joe showed up. Pops up all huffy and puffy in his spear and helmet to tell the Leader when we need units. Science Advisor. Self-explanatory too. Pops up to ask the Leader what to research. Honestly, he doesn't look like much of a researcher right about now... But he was kinda old and didn't have a weapon, so I guess it's cool. The other two are a bit tricky to find, but they're there. Trade Advisor was that bastard who back when we were a tribe always exchanged stuff for food, and then exchanged food for stuff, but always just ended up with more stuff. Attitude Advisor was just sort of a cool guy, even with his weird hair.

They got together when Leader Joe showed up, and decided that it was about time we stopped wandering. Probably helped that Science and Trade got together and came up with Irrigation and Roads, too. Apparently, you can dig ditches, and bring in water, and water makes plants grow. Also, if you cut through a forest and always walk in the same places, you can walk easier... Crazy, I know.

Not that we've done any of it yet. It's a work in progress. We told Leader Joe that we should find a good place to settle the tribe, but Leader Joe said we shouldn't really waste time, and so we just sort of settled where we were when Leader Joe showed up. It's not a bad place to be honest. Used to be great for hunting back in the day! Gets a bit cold in the winter, but there's nice good grassy fields all around, and a nice long river that goes up North into this bay. There's plains to the South, too, and some forests around the North entrances of the bay, but that's way too far to bother.

So we settle. First thing we build is a palace for Leader Joe. It's not really much, just the biggest hut in the village, but he seems to like it. Then, we divide up the land in the city so that everyone has farms, and everyone can eat. There's enough people that we even do the same with a bit of land on the river.

Farms are this great new thing where instead of looking for plants with food in them, you just sort of clear the land and make it a whole plain of plants with food in them. And instead of hunting, you just keep animals and feed them. Apparently, it works even better with Irrigation, but we don't have any, so what do I know, I'm the Intelligence Advisor, I just count stuff. There was also some Resources around, wood and stones for building and minerals and whatnot so, I guess, some of the people decided they were good with looking for those, and since there was so much extra food from the farms, they could do that and not starve. Everyone's really happy we're not wandering anymore. Everyone's got a lot more free time. There's even people in town setting up shops to make stuff out of the Resources, like, new tools and things out of copper and wood and stuff, and people selling stuff up and down the river.

And that's where I come in. Trade said that with all this new stuff, it was only fair Leader Joe take a cut. And... well, before we settled, I kept records for the tribe. Like, I'd remember how many people there were, and where we were, and all that stuff. Trade said that with Leader Joe, I needed to do that now, except not for the tribe, but the Civilization. Trade said it was really important, because we needed to keep track of the food, and of the Resources, and of the Commerce people were making with their shops selling stuff up and down the river.

There's apparently a lot of extra stuff. So Trade wants to take a cut for Leader Joe and then go ask Leader Joe what we're going to do with the extra Commerce and Production.

Maybe Trade isn't such a bastard after all. We'll see. Anyway, that's how I became Intelligence Advisor.


	2. Chapter 2: Tax Rate 0 (Science: 100)

**Chapter 2: Tax Rate 0% (Science 100%); Production: Militia**

So, yeah, Trade might not be a bastard after all. You know who really are bastards, though? Science and Military. After me and Trade go through all the trouble of keeping track of everyone growing food, and of everyone digging up minerals and chopping wood, and of all the shops (do you know how many woodworkers there is in a city of ten thousand people?), and of all the trade up and down the river -don't get me started on how much food and resources you can carry in little reed boats from the villages around Washington. Washington. That's what we call our town. I guess it's because Joe Washington? I dunno- so, anyway after we went through all that trouble, Trade goes to Leader Joe's Palace-hut to ask what we're going to do with all the Resources and all the Commerce; but who does he find there but Science and Military?

And Military, all huffy and puffy, says we're building a Militia. And Science, proud, says we're researching the Wheel. Leader Joe's orders, they say. They asked Leader Joe to direct the research and production. And now, ALL the commerce is going to Science and this new little posse of researchers he has, so that he can research this the Wheel stuff. And ALL the resources and ALL the shops are working towards Military's Militia.

Just like Science got a posse of dweebs from the tribe (I knew them, they were basically the guys who couldn't even hunt a chicken and got shoved into tree hollows when they were kids) to help him with his "Wheel" (oh, sorry," _the_ Wheel"), militia got a posse of thugs, and he's training them with sticks, and everyone who's not making food or commerce has to work to make them pointy sticks and spears with rocks and axes and whatnot so they can stop training with sticks and start actually fighting.

Trade goes into the Palace-hut anyway, and talks to Leader Joe. He comes out pretty irked.

"We're still in charge of getting the commerce to Science, and of getting the production to Military. But they get to keep it all." he pauses "I didn't ask about the food, though; so we still get to work with that, by default, I guess."

That last part is ok. Leader Joe sounds like a bastard, though, I say.

Trade shrugs.

That night, the whole town is ecstatic. They gather around Leader Joe's Palace-hut, and decide to expand it. I've never seen everyone so enthusiastic about anything. I guess they're happy we're not wandering anymore; it does get hard on the legs after a while. So they're celebrating by building stuff for Leader Joe's hut.

Now Leader Joe has a big rock hut with a bunch of pink columns in front. He chose them himself.

Garish.


	3. Chapter 3: Your First Military Unit

**Chapter 3: You Have Just Acquired your First Military Unit**

So me and Trade are doing a pretty good job with the Food. It's been a long and slow few centuries since Washington was founded, very nice, very peaceful. No more wandering. No more trying to find places to hide from the rain. All our huts are made from rock now (another Resource) and have nice, dry thatched roofs made out of straw, which we get from the wheat we grow. Thatched roofs are really pretty, even if they take forever to make; you're not just supposed to stack straw onto a hut, y'know, you actually have to sit down and weave the whole thing. It takes forever, but it's very nice and practical and waterproof. Who would've thought wheat would be so useful? You can grind the seeds too, and make bread, and that's delicious. And it's really easy to grow lots and lots of it; the wheat, that is, not the bread.

By now, we only hunt when we feel like it. We're probably not getting as much meat as we should, but that's not as huge a problem as you'd think. People aren't just growing their own plants; they're also growing their own animals. Cows and pigs and chickens and stuff. There's so much Food that people are also having more kids. It's a lot easier when you're not migrating and you don't have to carry them around. I checked, and we've made 30 000 people. Time really flies when you're an Advisor. In fact, there's so many people, we had to send some of them down the river, to make new villages; and the town itself is still a lot bigger.

I was in charge of sending them there. There's more Resources now than ever, and Commerce, and Food.

Luckily for me and Trade, there's not nearly as much work to do with Food as there is with Commerce and Resources. You just sort of make sure no-one starves, make sure the food gets up the river and in from the countryside on time, set grain prices to make sure people selling grain don't rob everyone else... Feed the occasional orphan and whatnot with the surplus... Really, though, most of the work does itself.

Science is still fiddling with his "the Wheel". Every day, he has his researchers slide things down the river banks. Yesterday, it was rocks. Today, it was logs. Tomorrow, he's planning to do it with a pig. The man is insane.

But also today, Military just got done with his Militia. He's still a self-absorbed ass, don't get me wrong. But I have to admit, it was pretty impressive. Picture the fittest, tallest, strongest young men in the tribe. Picture them all with rock-tipped long spears and big, scary axes. Picture them all in lines, marching through the town. Picture them setting up camp just outside the town. Military says they can beat anything and anybody.

Leader Joe is very proud. He says tomorrow, we're sending them off to explore. The people are proud too. Today, they worked on Leader Joe's Palace again. Now he's got even more columns.

If anyone ever attacks our town, boy, are they in for some trouble. No-one messes with the Americans. And I sure feel sorry for the people that are going to get explored by us.


	4. Chapter 4: Barbarian Raiding Party

**Chapter 4: Barbarian Raiding Party**

So now that we have a Militia, Military's in charge of them (obviously), and he's sent them out to explore. Apparently, there's a lot more Grasslands to the West. And a lot more Plains to the South. And a lot more Forests to the East. The Militia's kind of been going in a big circle around the city to "expand our horizons"; Leader Joe's words, not mine. I've been keeping track of it all, though. They even found this old Hut out on a Hill just past the Forests that our tribe didn't build (the Hut, not the Forests or the Hill); that was really weird. And inside it, there was a bunch of gold. Leader Joe was a bit disappointed when he heard this for some reason, but shows how much he knows. Trade was really happy because we got to keep the gold.

But the real talk of the town was the Barbarians. They found those just past the Forests, but apparently they weren't from there. The Militia saw them coming from on top of the Hill after they took the Hut. The Barbarians were armed with rocks and spears, just like the Militia, and they were really scary and brutish-looking. But what was even scarier was that they were riding on horses, so they were a lot faster. And a lot more brutal, too. A Barbarian on a horse can come at you and hack twice as strong as a Militiaman with his axe. Luckily, the Militia had some time to prepare. Leader Joe looked really stressed when he found out what was going on, and he immediately sent out a message: Military just wanted to attack them, but Leader Joe said it was of utmost importance that the Militia stay on the Hill and Fortify instead. I know this because was in charge of the message-sending: because I'm friends with Trade now, together we're in charge of everything travelling-related. He does the money stuff and I do everything else.

So I had the Militia told to get on one of those Hills in the area that used to have the Hut, and then to Fortify, and they did that. They dug a nice ditch around the Hill, and set up a wooden palisade and were ready behind it, with their spears and axes and some slings they'd made. And eventually, the Barbarians came forth. And since the Militia were on a Hill, the Barbarian Cavalry saw them right away, and furiously charged right at them.

A horde of Barbarians on their horses, all dressed in Red, all carrying Red flags, all ready to spill red blood. Red is a scary colour. Not as scary as Pink, mind you, which is what our flags have and what Military has our Militia wear; but still pretty scary. The Pink American flags fluttered in the breeze as the Barbarians charged, and as the Barbarian Cavalry neared the wall, the Militia fired their first shots, and the carnage started. It was a battle for the ages.

But even the fiercest of Barbarians has a hard time charging through a wooden palisade. And a stone or a spear from the top of that palisade can still break their head.

What happened that day made Military even more full of himself than he'd been before. But, really, it wasn't just him; everyone was proud. And rightly so. That was America's first battle. No... America's first TWO battles. After the Militia defeated the first wave of Barbarians, they sent another one in, just as fierce, just as much on horses, with just as strong a charge. But the American Militia beat that second one just as hard. Only when they were sure there were no more Barbarians left did the Militia finally abandon their fortification, to go and chase any stragglers. And as if their victory wasn't enough, sure enough, they found a straggler. The leader of the Barbarians. They cornered him up to the North East near the Sea, which they discovered on that hunt.

The man was tall, and thin, and dressed in black with a funny hat, and he didn't look like a Barbarian at all. But he paid us 100 gold, twice as much as the Militia had found in the hut, and we let him go.

Boy was there cheering that day, and even more when the Militia got home. Leader Joe's Palace got even more columns. The treasury was filled with more gold than we knew what to do with... and Science wasn't getting any of it. Military's ego was the size of a mountain.

Leader Joe was probably the happiest of all, although he looked more relieved than proud. The first thing Leader Joe did when the Militia got home was inspect them, and test their fighting skills a bit, before congratulating them personally, and ordering them all to be given special honours and a double ration of grain and beer (which you make of from barley, a kind of grain), and then finally ordering them to Fortify again, this time at home, but the same way they'd fortified at that Hill. They were Veterans, he said, crack troops, he said, and they should be proud of it, he said, but now they were guarding the homeland. And it was true, they should be proud of themselves. Just seeing them, they were already way better at fighting than they had been when Military had first armed them.

Military said we had to build a Barracks, so all our troops could be that good, but Leader Joe was already training a second Militia.

Leader Joe was maybe a bit too relieved that we'd won, though.

That night, I overheard him talking to Military. The fun thing about being Intelligence Advisor is that no-one notices you but you notice everyone.

Leader Joe looked a bit less happy now than he'd been in the morning.

"Good job to your Militia for defeating those Barbarians," he said "If they'd gotten through, it would've been the end of our Civilization."

"So long as my Militia stands," Military said, all pompous "America has nothing to fear from Barbarians."

"Probably not," Leader Joe said "Not now that they're here in town, anyway, and Veterans. But there's other things out there that aren't Barbarians, you know."


	5. Chapter 5: Corruption and Trade

**Chapter 5: Corruption and Trade**

The population was growing all the time. It was insane. It even started getting crowded, especially in the city, and the Domestic Advisor, whom we hadn't heard from in centuries, showed up suddenly and started worrying that there was unrest. Fortunately, one time, when a riot started to break out over land limits between two neighbourhoods, and then again when someone was found stealing from a stone-axe-maker's shop, the Militia was there to calm everybody down.

But from then on, we saw a lot more of Domestic, and Leader Joe said the Militia had to stay in town indefinitely to keep this sort of stuff from happening. Military said it would be better with Barracks, but Leader Joe told him to zip it.

The new folks, me and Trade decided, we couldn't send them out to the countryside; so instead, now that the shops were getting pretty good with making reed boats, we sent them up north into the bay, to settle there and fish; and pretty soon, they found out better and better ways of fishing them, and learned where and how they swam, and generally became accomplished fishermen. And that made a lot of Food, and not only that, but also a lot of Commerce.

Leader Joe had declared that Science was still getting all the Commerce. But there was so much Food and so much Commerce coming from the big shoal of fish that he couldn't keep track of it all. Really, nobody could who wasn't me and Trade. And that night, Trade came to my hut, alone.

"You know, it really is a shame that Science has to get ALL the Commerce."

And he gestured me to follow him. When we were down at the docks, a reed fishing boat, loaded with the best and freshest fish, sailed up.

"This is for you," Trade said "Have it smoked or something. You'll have enough to eat like a king all winter. It's your cut from the Food."

Then, he produced a small pouch of beautiful, precious sea shells.

"And this is your cut from the Commerce. Don't worry. Nobody except us keeps track of this stuff, and the boatmen are taking their cut out too. It's only fair."

Another, bigger boat came in, and Trade said that was his cut. I thanked Trade, and he said not to mention it.

At first, you might think that what we were doing was wrong. Corrupt, even. But is it REALLY any less corrupt than Science getting all the Commerce we collect to slide rocks and logs and pigs and inflated pigskins and inflated pigs down the riverbanks?

Now me and the Trade Advisor have much fancier huts. And fancier clothes. And we eat meat every day from fine stone plates. So do some of the more important fishermen.

Trade even got himself some columns for his hut.


	6. Chapter 6: The Secrets of The Wheel

**Chapter 6: Our Scientists Have Discovered the Secret of the Wheel**

So, Science FINALLY made himself useful! It'd been quite a few years since anything happened, and about twenty since we beat off the second batch of Barbarians. A few of them showed up in a really, really big boat made out of wood and scared off some of the fishermen, and then they disembarked and attacked the city with more Cavalry. But the Militia defeated them handily; no improvements to Leader Joe's Palace this time, though. Everyone was really happy, but, in a bit, it was old news anyway. Mostly because Science had discovered his "the Wheel".

Apparently, the trick to making logs move down slopes is to place them so they _don't_ point downwards. It's counter-intuitive, but that way, they _roll_ down, and they go a lot faster.

Now, you'll think it sounds stupid, and that it's not that impressive, and so did everyone else. But apparently, that's what we were paying all those Science people for. I knew what rolling was, and, again, so did everyone else. But what you want is to make it so that things that don't roll on their own roll. Still not following? Well, it _is_ Chariot Science, it's supposed to be complicated.

See, the first idea was just to put tree trunks under things, and that actually worked pretty well, at least for really heavy things, seeing as it made carrying them a lot easier. But when it got really fancy was when Science cut the trunks into really, really thin slices, which is what it turns out "Wheels" are. And with an axle, which is a long piece of wood that keeps the wheels together but also keeps them attached to something else, he'd bind them to a cart. And that way, the cart could roll anywhere.

It's all really advanced stuff. But it gets better.

Remember those horses the Barbarians had? We still have no clue on how to ride them. But there's a lot of them out in the fields, especially down in the Plains. They're smaller than the ones the Barbarians ride on, but they're still there. And if you hitch them up to a Chariot, and the Chariot has Wheels, they can pull it anywhere, and then the Chariot goes as fast as a horse. And if you're in the Chariot, you're also going as fast as a horse.

Which is really fast, especially fast if you're a warrior.

Leader Joe was probably happier than I'd ever seen him when Science showed him the first Chariot. He said that Chariots were even stronger at attacking than Barbarian Cavalry. In fact, he immediately had us switch Production from Militia to Chariot. It wasn't all that hard, since we were already training fighters and making them weapons, except now we also needed to make them Chariots and teach them to ride the Chariots, and also catch some horses and raise them, although Science's dweebs had already been working on that (just breeding horses that could, y'know, pull stuff, and learning how it is you teach them to do it).

That night, Leader Joe held a nice big parade and had the first Chariot ride through town, and everyone was really impressed. And Leader Joe said we were going to explore the land a lot faster this way, and now we could REALLY beat anyone, even without Barracks.

Everyone was very happy, all in all; but that too only lasted for a while.

The very next morning, one of my agents, with an alias as a farmer living out on the far west end of our American territory (it helped that he was also an actual farmer living on the far west end of our American territory), informed me that soldiers had been seen coming from the West. They were Militia, just like ours. But they weren't Barbarians. He knew because they weren't wearing Red.

They were all wearing Black, and their banners were that same colour. And they were coming straight for Washington.


	7. Chapter 7: The Babylonian Emissary

**Chapter 7: The Babylonian Emissary**

The Black Militia set up camp just west of Washington, and, immediately, they began to build palisades and fortify, just like our Militia had done inside Washington and before that on the hill against the Barbarians. Of course, Military wanted to send his Veteran troops against them immediately, but, as Leader Joe reminded him, if they lost, that would leave the city completely undefended.

Not that they would lose, of course. But _if._

It didn't matter anyway, though, as before we could do anything, they took the initiative. And an Emissary from the Babylonians came asking for an audience from Leader Joe. And soon, an official meeting was organized between Leader Joe and their Leader.

It took place in a damp, marshy part of the grasslands, with slightly hilly terrain.

Their Leader spoke first.

"Greetings from he who makes mortals tremble, Hammurabi of the Babylonians."

Military and Science were there with Leader Joe, mostly to make an effect. It was the first time anyone saw a Leader other than Leader Joe. I was there too, but I wasn't in the picture. I just took notes of the transactions. In my head. Because that's the only way you can take notes for anything, at least so far.

Hammurabi of the Babylonians was a brown-skinned man, dressed in very fancy clothes, and with a dark, trimmed beard. He certainly looked the part of a Leader. Beside him, his own Military and Attitude Advisors (apparently, all Leaders have those) stood there, staring our own Advisors down. Our Military and his Military were opposite each other. They looked remarkably similar.

Everyone was holding their breath. Only Leader Joe seemed unfazed by the imposing man standing before us. In fact, he looked almost relieved.

Leader Hammurabi of the Babylonians seemed dismissive.

"We note that your primitive Civilization has not yet discovered Pottery. Do you care to exchange knowledge with us?"

Leader Joe seemed surprised for a second, but then, with what looked like a rather amused smile, he replied, as if on a script:

"No, we do not need Pottery."

Hammurabi of the Babylonians was taken aback by this, and reiterated, now sounding considerably angrier.

"Your civilization makes us laugh. We agree not to crush your worthless civilization in exchange for the secret of The Wheel."

How did they know that we'd just invented the Wheel? Everyone on our side, except Leader Joe, was visibly unsettled. I looked over at their party. My eyes locked with their Intelligence guy. They had one too. I hadn't noticed him first, but that usually happens with Intelligence Advisors. He must be the one that found out about The Wheel... somehow. That's what Intelligence Advisors do, after all.

When he was done speaking Hammurabi gave a scowl that would chill a man's blood. Then, Babylonian Military and Babylonian Attitude also gave a scowl that would chill a man's blood.

And it was all very frightening.

But Leader Joe answered him, bravely:

"We ignore your hollow threats!"

At this point, again, Hammurabi seemed taken aback. But then, he continued, seemingly unfazed:

"You may be worthy to make peace with us. We have prepared a treaty for your signature."

He then gave a warm, toothy smile, just as sincere-looking as his angry scowl. Just as warmly, Babylonian Military and Babylonian Attitude smiled.

We were all amazed at this sudden twist.

Leader Joe smirked back at Hammurabi, though it looked a lot less forced. Then, he signed the Peace Treaty. Well, that is, Babylonian Intelligence recited the terms, and I had to remember them, and both Leaders agreed to abide by them. I'm not sure what a signature is, really.

By the way, Babylonian Intelligence, surprisingly if we went by the striking resemblance between Babylonian Military and our Military, looked nothing like me, but he seemed to sympathize with all the work of remembering things.

Not that you'd know what I look like anyway.

"We affirm this treaty of eternal friendship and goodwill between the people of the Babylonian and American civilizations.

Leader Hammurabi, still smiling, proceeded:

"We welcome the friendship of the American people and their most wise and munificent leader, Emperor Joe Washington."

And that was that.

Then, something rather strange happened. Leader Joe, for the first time in this whole conversation, noticed me, and whispered something to Military, who ran over to meet me.

In his pompous tone, Military demanded:

"Go and ask them for a military alliance!"

I looked at him quizzically:

"Against whom?"

Military shrugged.

"Emperor Joe says they'll know."

Leader Joe then spoke up:

"We have a military proposal... One moment, please."

That kind of put me on the spot, so now I had to go. And, looking for the only person I could feasibly talk to, I went of course and asked Babylonian Intelligence. If he knew we had the Wheel, he might know more stuff.

"Hey. I'm the American Intelligence Advisor. So who do you think we can attack?"

He blinked at me."

"Oh, I don't know," Babylonian Intelligence said, matter-of-factly "That's up to you guys to offer. But the list is pretty limited: it's going to be either the Germans, the Mongols, the Russians, the Egyptians or the Greeks."

"Not the Barbarians?"

Babylonian Intelligence laughed:

"Well, you can't really ally against the Barbarians, can you?" he said "They're already attacking everyone anyway."

I shrugged:

"Guess you're right... but... who are all these people?"

It was his turn to shrug.

"Beats me. I just know they exist."

I thanked him and he said no problem, and then I went and reported everything to Leader Joe, who seemed pleased, and nodded, and then turned back to Hammurabi. Hammurabi, for his part, seemed rather stiff waiting and still trying to look smiley and pleasant.

"You must attack the evil Russians."

To this Hammurabi answered courteously:

"We have no contact with the Russians."

And so the conversation ended.

And that was our first contact with the Babylonians. That night, Leader Joe sent me a gift of a nice ceremonial necklace of precious shells and copper beads, with a servant to say thanks for my services. It was a very pretty ceremonial necklace. It was very nice of Leader Joe to send it.

Come to think of it, this was the first time Leader Joe noticed me at all.


	8. Chapter 8: Civil Disorder in Washington!

**Chapter 8: Civil Disorder in Washington! Mayor Flees in Panic**

That was our first contact with the Babylonians. But it certainly wasn't the last. Although honestly it was probably one of our most positive overall. We might have had eternal friendship and goodwill and all that jazz, but Hammurabi sure didn't take his Militia back home with him. It just sort of stayed there, right outside Washington, Fortified. Even worse, soon, the Babylonians Fortified another unit near Washington. And not only that, but it was a _new_ unit nobody had ever seen before.

The new Babylonians soldiers called themselves a "Phalanx". I know because my agents checked. Leader Joe, or Emperor Joe as he sometimes called himself, wasn't too surprised by the report; but he was very frustrated. The Phalanx were basically spear-men, just like a lot of our Militia. But they were visibly a lot more advanced, and powerful. You weren't supposed to say it in front of Military, but it was true, and everybody knew it. The Babylonian Phalanx were armed unlike anything we'd seen before, wearing heavy metal clothes, and carrying heavy metal shields, for better protection. And their spears were heavy and long with metal tips, for better killing.

"The metal they're making their weapons from is called Bronze," Leader Joe said "It's harder than copper or anything we have. But don't worry... I've got our Science Advisor Working on it."

It was true, he did have the Science Advisor working on it. Science was trying all sorts of new methods, not only mixing metals to get bronze, but also inventing new ways to melt metal better. See, if you heat metal hot enough, it becomes liquid, and then you can make it into all kinds of things. But apparently, for good metal, for making weapons, you need REALLY hot fires. Like, furnaces and stuff. So Science had to get on that.

But while he was getting on that, the Babylonian Phalanx stayed put there, just south west of Washington, right next to the Babylonian Militia. Right on a Resource area, too! The bastards... And it was very hard not to worry. We tried to get them to leave, and we sent them envoys, telling the Babylonians that Militias and Phalanxes along the border certainly didn't look like "eternal friendship and goodwill". But they wouldn't budge. They said they were just obeying orders, and that they were within the terms of the Peace Treaty since they weren't attacking us.

That is the slovenly way in which these things treaties are always drawn up! No-one in Washington was really happy about this.

And, on another note, they were about to get a lot less happy.

Remember that time when Attitude was really worried about a riot breaking out? Well, the population of Washington grew again a few years later. We were now up to 100 000. Because of the Babylonians, Trade had to give the new people land to work pretty far to the east, so they wouldn't be in the way of the Babylonian armies and get in trouble -everyone thought this was awful, by the way, but Leader Joe said we couldn't attack them because of the Peace Treaty, at least not yet. But it turned out it didn't really matter, because, the very day we decided where to send them off, a riot broke out.

And there was so many people, that the Militia in Washington weren't enough to quell them.

That day, everything shut down in our capital. The Mayor had to flee the city in panic, and the Militia just barely saw him out. Anyone who wasn't in the angry mob shut themselves in their houses. Even me and the rest of the Advisors didn't dare go outside.

Attitude was furious.

"We need to spend some of our money in providing the people with Luxuries to keep them pacified!"

Y'know, because with Science taking all the money, there was so much left over.

Luckily, however, Leader Joe had a better idea; and he presented it to us, his Advisors, and we agreed it was a good plan.

And so he set himself to execute it.

Instead of setting the new population to work, Leader Joe went out in front of the Palace and spoke to the people. And he calmed them down. He told them that, on the city's dime, he'd feed them, and provide them with gainful employment. And they were calmed down.

And sure enough, he did.

And so the new people became Entertainers. And honestly, turned out pretty well: they carved out instruments, which are little devices that make pretty noises, like drums and flutes and lyres and stuff, and they started making up songs, and performing them in public places. And some other ones of them became athletes, and held contests for everyone to see; and some others put on shows, to make people laugh or cry with fun stories; and some of them started setting up circus-acts; and some of them decided to put it all together, and would set up professional wrestling acts. And all these entertainers were being Fed by the city's food surplus, as Leader Joe had said. And so they had jobs and food, and everyone else had a lot of shows to see, and so everyone was satisfied again. They were content. Content, even. In fact, I would even go so far as to say that some of our population was downright Happy: with so many people not having to work for food, there was more of an economy, and segments of the population, at least, seemed to be enjoying it. The tailors started to make better clothes, and the potters better pots, and a lot fancier versions of typical items were available. For clothes in particular, the colour teal seemed to come into fashion, particularly for the Happy rich.

Of course, this still meant we were, essentially, wasting Food, and out of all the people, it seemed Trade wasn't too Happy about it. But it was better than an angry mob. And, I had to make Trade admit, better than Attitude getting our money.

And it all seems stupid, but... well, Washington was a better place for it all. What can I say, I like being entertained!

And like Attitude says, you're a lot less inclined to riot when you live in a city with a vibrant entertainment scene.

A few months later, Trade and me were going to the First Annual Open Air Lyre and Pan-Flute Festival in Washington Square, Washington. Things were going pretty well, overall. After the riot had been settled, work on the Chariot, that is, the Chariot the military unit made up of Charioteers armed with "the Wheel", was fast advancing, and it was rumoured that, alongside that, Science was coming along pretty well with this new working of bronze, or Bronze Working, if you will.

But just then, one of my agents had to come in, and ruin everything.

"New Intelligence," the Agent said discretely, taking care to talk when the pan-flute was doing a solo so that no-one would overhear "There's troops on our border."

I sighed.

"More Babylonian troops? Damnit, we're going to have to do something about that..."

The agent seemed uneasy.

"No. These ones are Orange."


	9. Chapter 9: The Russians

**Chapter 9: The Russians**

When I told him there was Orange Troops on the border to the East, Leader Joe was shocked. Like, really shocked. I don't think I'd ever seen him that shocked before. The first thing he did was dip into the Treasury, and pay some of the Citizens to work overtime to finish the Chariot. He did this in a weird way, though, tricking everyone by first pretending that he was going to build Barracks; and here Military was all glad, thinking he'd finally get his Barracks. And sure enough Leader Joe paid for them, but then he suddenly had all the work revert to a Chariot. Honestly I'm not exactly sure why he did that; but Trade laughed when he heard it, and seemed very pleased with Leader Joe, even if he had been tricked just like everyone else:

"It's a smart plan," Trade said, grinning "It comes out cheaper that way!"

I checked the accounts, and he was actually right. I suppose Trade should know about these things.

Anyway, though, the Chariot Unit was almost done, and they looked very grand indeed, and everyone was proud, so no-one made too much of a fuss either way. When it was done, the production switched over to Settlers. The plan was, because the population in Washington was already too high, we'd equip some people just like way back when the Americans were a tribe, and send them out to found a new city.

Sounds reasonable, right?

The new unit of Chariot was done just in time to sally forth and meet the new Orange Troops on the border, too.

These ones were a Phalanx, just like the Babylonians. But they called themselves "Russians".

"Greetings from Stalin, leader and Emperor of the Russians."

It was a lot less scary meeting this Stalin fellow, now that we knew what to expect from another Leader. If anything, this time, it was Leader Joe who seemed the most stressed. Sure, Russian Military and Russian Attitude and Russian Science were there, so there was quite a lot of people. But still, there was nothing to be scared about.

Anyway, we were the ones with the Chariot. So they offered us a Peace Treaty. And Leader Joe accepted.

Our Chariot was blocking the Russian Phalanx's way to Washington, so, by necessity, the Phalanx had to go back, and, on Leader Joe's orders, our Chariot followed it. They followed it for quite a while, too. On the way, they found a small Hut, which, because Chariots are so fast, they managed to go and search before returning to following the Phalanx. There was gold in it. It was good, though Leader Joe said he'd have preferred a Technology. That's what Science would've said; just goes to show that even smart Leaders don't know everything.

With our Chariot hot on its tracks, the Russian Phalanx went south east, further and further, into a large landmass first going over a series of great Grass plains with some rivers here and there, before continuing into regular old non-grass Plains like the kind beyond the Grass plains a bit south of Washington. The Chariot, at this point, had ventured further from Washington than any one of our Units ever had before, even the old Militia back when it had first gone out to explore. It was hard to keep track of all this new land discovered, but I managed, with the help of my Agents, to somehow, to remember it all. Finally, the Chariot arrived at this place called Leningrad. It was a town, and it had a Phalanx fortified in it, or some sort of Unit, anyway, the Chariot couldn't see, but we knew it was there and assumed it was a Phalanx. And it was all fluttering with Orange Russian banners.

And this was the capital of the Russians. Or at least, so we thought, at the time. It was actually a pretty small town, smaller than Washington, nothing to fear. At least that's what I thought until my Agents told me it was actually their second city. Second? No, wait... not their second. It was their third. The Chariot soon found another place called Kiev. And that wasn't their capital, either.

Three cities?

 _Three cities?!_

Ok... maybe leader Joe had been right to be cautious.


	10. Chapter 10: Prepare for WAR!

**Chapter 10: You Reject our Generous Offer? Your Insolence Must be Punished! Prepare for WAR!**

 **"** Damn it, he pulled the Barracks trick again!"

Military was furious. Things were getting pretty tense, what with Russia having so many cities, so Leader Joe had bought up all the resources to build Barracks again; and, again, he'd switched over to something else at the last minute, which understandably ticked Military off. Though this time it was those Settlers. Leader Joe said we really needed Settlers: if Russia could have three cities, so could we, Leader Joe said.

Or at least we could have two.

It was really weird, seeing so many people geared up all tribe-like for the first time since we'd founded Washington.

Leader Joe immediately sent them East, while the Chariot was patrolling the border with Russia, and exploring Russian territory. There was a lot of Orange Militia and Orange Phalanx running around; some of them didn't seem too happy we were there, but our Chariot pushed on. And eventually, we located Moscow.

It was as big as Washington, and getting bigger.

But then, our Settlers got to work, and halfway between us and Russia, following the Chariot's trail, they bravely founded our second city: New York.

They called it New York because it was our second city. Where or what "Old York" is is beyond me.

As soon as New York was founded, Leader Joe also had them build a Phalanx. Science had finally gotten around to Bronze Working.

It was about time, too, what with so many Russians.

Meanwhile, back in Washington, Leader Joe started building a Barracks, again. Military didn't trust him too much, but I think he was serious this time.

Now that we knew where all the Russian's cities were, everyone was waiting with bated breath to see what would happen. Not just on our side either: there had been some reports of the Russians being mad that we'd founded a city so close to them.

But of course, nothing official ever went wrong.

At least until a Messenger came, and asked for an audience with Leader Joe.

It was from Stalin.

"We note your primitive civilization..."

Horseback Riding. They wanted to teach us Horseback Riding in a Technology Exchange. Why, I don't know. I assume so could get our own Barbarian Cavalry, maybe? It seemed pretty useless: we had Chariots, which are better than Cavalry anyway.

Leader Joe refused on behalf of all of us. The Russians' next response came immediately:

"Your civilization makes us laugh..."

The Wheel. They wanted the Wheel. They were _demanding_ the wheel.

Leader Joe seemed to sigh of relief, though. If they were demanding the Wheel, that meant they didn't have the Wheel. Which meant they didn't have Chariots.

Which was good.

Naturally, just as he had refused the exchange, Leader Joe now "ignored their hollow threats".

Then, the Russians asked for money, which was something Hammurabi hadn't done.

More ignoring of hollow threats.

Now, up until this point, on the one hand there was some degree of tension: after all, even if you know they're probably bluffing, when a foreign Leader is staring you down with all his Advisors, it's pretty scary. But on the other hand, everything was sort of just going according to what was usual, or at least what we though we knew was usual at the time: having seen Leader Joe negotiate with Hammurabi, none of us Advisors thought anything could go wrong, and we just sort of assumed that this was how these things went down. We thought that there would be threats and menaces and hollow chest-thumping and whatnot but that, in the end, just like with Hammurabi, eventually everyone would come around and make Peace.

But then Stalin didn't start smiling.

You see, Stalin _wasn't_ just like Hammurabi.

He didn't stop frowning, either; and neither did his three Advisors:

In fact, instead of stopping frowning, they both got that terrifying scowl on their faces. And then they said it:

"You reject our generous offer?

Even Leader Joe was taken aback; or maybe he'd seen it coming and wasn't. But either way, he was affected:

"Your insolence must be punished!" Stalin continued "Prepare for War!"

It wasn't like knowing ahead would have made the news too much easier to bear:

And just like that, we had our first war.


	11. Chapter 11: Pink Chariots Orange Cavalry

_A.N.: Hey everyone. I don't usually do these, but I just wanted to apologize for the long-ish hiatus between the past two chapters; real life kinda caught up with me for a while there, exams and whatnot. I seem to be back on track with regular updates, though, so those should be coming through once or twice a week again. Also, thanks to the reviewers, especially ChocolateTeapot, for the support -check out their cool stories, btw, especially the cool Civ ones._

 _Anyway, here's the next chapter._

 _-Oswald_

 **Chapter 11: Pink Chariots and Orange Cavalry**

At this point, we were running low on money. But there was still enough for me and Trade to buy the Phalanx in New York, and the Barracks in Washington -there was a weird sort of relieved smirk on Military's face when we didn't have them switched to Chariots at the last minute again; though of course once the Barracks were done both New York and Washington immediately began to work on Chariots.

We were preparing for war, big time.

With the Chariot we did have, the first thing we did was to attack a nearby Russian Militia. We obliterated them. Then, there was a Phalanx in the vicinity as well, and our Chariot unit attacked and defeated them too: Pink Star-Spangled Banners (we'd made our flag more elaborate) fluttering in the breeze, we trampled their Bronze spears underneath our Chariot Wheels.

It really seemed that Chariots were all they'd been hyped up to be, and more. On the next turn, the Chariot attacked a third Phalanx that also showed up, as if Stalin were desperately trying to keep some control of the area in any way he could.

It was in vain; our Chariot defeated that one too.

We were on a roll. After winning _that B_ attle the Chariot got promoted to Veteran status. And they pushed forward, moving towards Leningrad.

Everyone was very optimistic. Chariots were awesome. And not only would we get Leningrad; but soon, we'd even have Moscow!

Leader Joe said this was exactly how war was supposed to go. And he wisely also added that the most important part was us conquering Russia before they conquered us, or before they got their own Chariots.

He seemed right. I believed him, and so did Trade.

Indeed, that was what everyone believed at the time.

But then, something went wrong: and as luck would have it, just where our Chariot moved foward, it found, next to it, a unit of Cavalry. It wasn't too different from the old Barbarian Cavalry. But it was Orange, and thus Russian.

It turns out Russian Cavalry wasn't all that useless... to put it mildly...

The way my agents reported _that_ confrontation, it was a massacre. It was near dusk, right on the endless Russian planes, the sun shining Orange over them, when, in the distance, galopping was heard. The Chariots quickly drew up into formation, but the Russian Cavalry was already on the horizon. The Chariots prepared a charge, but it was too late. They were the ones defending; and the Cavalry was attacking.

It was a fierce battle, Veteran Charioteers against, usually, much weaker Cavalry. But you see, Chariots are worse at Defence than they are at Attack. And thus, the Cavalry spears lanced through the Wheels of the Chariots, and what used to be their speed now became their demise as the Charioteers were stuck in place, and generally unmanvoeuverable compared to the attacking Cavalry. And, although many of them fought valiantly, in the end, the Cavalry mowed them down as if they'd been regular militiamen.

When this news reached Washington, there was a great panic, even greater than the euphoria that had preceded.

No-one slept that night. Military was up in arms, and Trade wondered in private to me whether, if things really went downhill, the Barbarians might benefit from a Trade and Intelligence Advisor.

And of course, things were even worse in the place that everyone knew would be the next Russian target now that our offensive had been unexpectedly foiled: New York.


	12. Chapter 12: The Second Front

**Chapter 12: The Second Front**

Luckily ( _very_ luckily), the Phalanx in New York proved more than a match for the Russian Cavalry. And it was on the palisade they had themselves built on the outskirts of New York that our American Phalanx avenged the fallen Chariot, first American casualty of the First War.

We were safe... for now.

Science was currently working on this new thing called Iron, which was supposed to be like Bronze, but better, and thus make for even better warriors. Sadly for him, however, for the first time ever Leader Joe didn't let him keep all the Commerce. Now, with a new decree, Trade was in charge of collecting 80% of the revenue from the Commerce and funneling it into the treasury. It wasn't a lot... But it was a lot more than nothing, and it made Trade happy. So I guess something good did come out of the First War.

In related news, a few years after the war started, New York grew, and so did Washington, again, and we would've done the Entertainer trick because Civil Disorders were brewing. Except this time Leader Joe took Domestic's advice, and instead of that, he took some of the Commerce and set it aside for Luxury Goods. Trade was a bit angry at this, mainly because they were taking away his Commerce now that, for the first time, he finally got to keep some of his revenue. But he consoled himself in that, as things were, he still got a bigger chunk of it than Science. Soon, precious shells and fine whalebone trinkets and weird but very tasty fish eggs from the sea-producing areas were flooding into Washington and New York, and people were nice and calm again. All the nice things kept them distracted from the war.

In Washington we sent the new people down south, to work the Plains, especially the Plains with Horses, as those were the most productive. Of course, there were too many Horses for the state to handle, so me and Trade got our cut, and so did a lot of the local chiefs, and the best horse trainers. But it was only fair! It was the only way to recompense them, and us, for our job.

That's the thing with Despotism: you don't really pay people. Everything just sorta goes to the Leader and then goes back out again, and everyone who can grabs a cut along the way. And since there's only one Leader, and there's a lot of people, that's a lot of cuts. And it's more cuts the bigger the country gets. Trade says it's a Palace Economy; I'm not sure what that is, but we have a Palace, so it makes sense.

Besides, the area with the Horses I was talking about was already the most productive place around Washington so it's not like Leader Joe needed the extra.

In the meantime, however, the First War was still going on. Russia was massing Militia and Phalanx around New York, though, luckily, they only sent one more Cavalry, and that failed at capturing the city that time as well. It did come damn close, however.

For now, we seemed to be at a kind of a stalemate, while we built our next Chariot, and, hopefully, the Russians didn't figure out the Wheel.

Production seemed to be going smoothly, and this even after a Babylonian Phalanx showed up on the Horse Plains area and forced us to move our workers further north in the Plains, just to get some resources. Leader Joe was furious, but there was nothing he could do about it, and it didn't entirely stop us, so he was cool for now.

My agents saw another Russian Cavalry approaching, and, with the new money, Leader Joe was able to buy what was left of the Chariot in Washington. This time around it was an instant Veteran, because of the Barracks, where the recruits were trained by the seasoned officers and crack Charioteers from earlier battles using the tactics and drills acquired during their expeditions. With this rank, they rushed eastwards and easily trounced the Russian Cavalry as it foolishly neared the New York. Our Chariot then also moved to out of New York and cleared out yet another Russian Militia, and even as a Russian Phalanx came in, it cleared that out too, before it had time to fortify.

Military was ecstatic. Now was the time for a counter-attack!

But the Chariot didn't stay in New York for long. Instead, it went right back around, to everyone's surprise, right back to Washington. No-one really knew why; it was Leader Joe's orders, though. Then, the Chariot went right down to where the Horses it was manned with had been gotten from. Right where the Babylonian Phalanx was.

Then, Leader Joe had one of my agents send the Chariot some direct orders in a confidential and highly urgent letter.

That was weird.

You wanna know what was even weirder?

The next day, the Chariot attacked that Babylonian Phalanx.


	13. Chapter 13: The Peace Offering

_A.N. Again, sorry for the irregular updates. School. Real life. You know. But this story will go on._

 **Chapter 13: The Peace Offering**

That day it was pandemonium in Leader Joe's Palace.

"Are you mad?!" Trade said "Opening a new front, just as the war with Russia was heating up?! This is insane!"

"My Chariots are strong, Emperor!" Military cried "But why double the war they need to fight?!"

I mumbled something about how rich the Babylonians are, and how their technology is probably way ahead of ours. But only Trade heard me; though to his credit, he agreed.

Outside, just outside the city palisades, the battle was raging. After clearing the Babylonian Phalanx on the plains, the Chariot was now attacking that first Militia that had shown up under our walls all those years ago, and had stayed there ever since.

Leader Joe simply smiled, however, and didn't seem fazed in the slightest.

"Guys, trust me," he said "I know the Babylonians..."

The Babylonian Militia was fortified, and it was fortified good. But ultimately, no Militia is really a match for Veteran Charioteers, so that by now we were winning. Finally, the Charioteers had, retreating and returning to a powerful charge, broken through their palisades, and shattered their ranks at a crucial point. Now, the Babylonian Militia was still fighting, but the American Chariots were pouring in among them.

"I just cannot fathom why we would attack the Babylonians at a time like this." the Science Advisor reiterated, expressing the general feeling. We were happy to win and all, but this made no sense.

Leader Joe hushed him, and told him to listen closely.

Outside, the clamour of bronze and stone weapons was heard amid the rolling of chariots and the crashing of wood. More ranks of Militia were broken, more Chariots charged through triumphant. And our people, with no entertainment, cheered from the outskirts of the city, looking at the battle with an almost malevolent glee: not that they were wrong. They had grown rather tired of those "friendly" troops hanging out just outside town for so long.

"Why, it will be a great triumph if we win, for sure," Attitude said "But if we lose the people will riot, and they'll be right."

Leader Joe told everyone to follow him. We all did.

At the end of town, where the people were gathered at a safe distance from the fighting, we were greeted with great cheers, Leader Joe especially. We'd arrived just in time to see, from closer up, the last of the Babylonian Militia routed, chased off our lands, our good, fertile lands that we could now exploit, for good by the Charioteers.

The people were happy. But the Advisors weren't, despite the victory.

Military grumbled, yet again: "We've still opened a new front."

We all agreed.

The Chariot were now taking aim at the remaining Babylonian troops in the vicinity, especially the ones down south near the Horses.

But, just then, a sound of exotic instruments was heard in the distance. For a moment the assault paused. And then, to our tremendous surprise, we all turned as a Babylonian Emissary, carrying a white flag, rushed from over a nearby hill, and behind him, Hammurabi, with his entire court, seeking audience with Leader Joe.

"See?" Leader Joe said "I told you!"

We were all dumbfounded.

Hammurabi seemed now even richer than the last time we'd seen him. What was perhaps most impressive, however, was how his advisors were changed. They were all wearing a lot less clothes, and a lot more gold, as if it had gotten a lot warmer in Babylon alongside getting a lot richer.

They also seemed a lot more two dimensional, if that makes sense.

When Hammurabi spoke, me and all the Advisors thought our fears had come true. If Stalin, while starting off offering knowledge, had made war, then surely, Hammurabi, during a war, if he started off like this, would only continue it worse:

"Oh, most untrustworthy leader of the infidels..."

And he ranted and raved about how treacherous Leader Joe had been, although, of course, chasing our workers off the Horses was never mentioned.

However, despite his ranting, he eventually seemed to calm down. And then, to everyone's surprise, he offered terms of peace.

If we paid him 50 gold, he would let us live in peace.

Seeing as there was war with the Russians, we all expected Leader Joe to say yes.

But he said no.

Then, much to our surprise, again, Hammurabi offered peace, this time demanding nothing.

But again, Leader Joe said no.

"If I wanted a white peace, I wouldn't have started a war."

So now, Hammurabi offered money. But still Leader Joe said no. So now, Hammurabi offered technology. But still Leader Joe said no.

And all of us were staring with our mouths open. Not literally, of course. But we were staring all the same.

Until, Hammurabi, with all his gold, and with all his advisors, with all his advanced technology, drops this:

"Have mercy on our humble and peace-loving civilization. We will give you all of our gold (168) and knowledge if you let us live in peace."

Then there wasn't anything we _could_ say. Leader Joe had been right. The war had been a ploy to bully the Babylonians into giving us the resources and technology to continue the war with Russia. And it was brilliant, really; although, of course, we the Cabinet couldn't very well straight up admit it in front of all the populace!

Really, what is an Advisor to do?


	14. Chapter 14: Continental Superpower

**Chapter 14: Continental Superpower**

Apparently, I wasn't kidding when I said the Babylonians were technologically advanced. Or when I said that they had a lot of gold: after the peace deal was struck, we not only got a ton of money, but also Horseback Riding, and Pottery, and Ceremonial Burial, and Alphabet and Code of Laws and the Monarchy from them. We even got the Iron Working that Science had been working on for so long, which pissed him off a bit, but even he agreed it was all for the best in the end.

"Told you," Leader Joe said with a smirk. On his orders, our Chariot, sparing the Babylonian Phalanx, headed back East to resume the war with Russia. With the new gold, we also speed-produced the Chariot in Washington, and the one in New York, massively increasing our forces.

Not a moment too soon either: Stalin was now coming in against New York, with a grand total of three Cavalry and a Legion, which was what you called a warrior armed with Iron Working weapons in those days. One of the Cavalry was routed by our defenders, but the Legion took out the Phalanx that was fortified in the town, and it was only thanks to the speed-produced Chariot that New York survived. However, once the other speed produced Chariot from Washington and the old Veteran one from the Babylonian front arrived, the Russians didn't stand a chance; and all their Units were routed.

From then on, it was only a matter of time for Stalin: we pushed into Russian territory, with nothing but victories. Leningrad fell, and after it so did Moscow. Sadly, the Russians didn't have any technologies that we didn't also have; but they did have gold. This was good because we could use it to rush Phalanxes to defend the newly-conquered Russian cities. To be sure, there were some Russian riots in those cities, which made them a bit troublesome to control: the Russian people weren't used to changing leaders. But a bit of military policing did the trick pretty quickly.

After taking all the Russian cities we knew of, it turned out that the Russians had also built another town somewhere. We spent some time looking for it, and after a while -and after stumbling across two Goody Huts, one with pesky Barbarians that we had to fight, and one with some scrolls that told us all about a new technology called Masonry which you can use to build things with rocks that actually last- we finally found the final Russian city, and conquered it. Or, actually, we destroyed it. It was pretty small, and there wasn't much left to conquer by the time our initial attack was over.

And that was that.

And the Russian civilization was destroyed by the Americans.

During the war, we also encountered a new civilization, the Germans, who lived to the Southeast of the Russians. But with all our conquered Russian cities, we were a lot bigger than them; and of course we were also bigger than the Babylonians, who according to a Chariot we sent to explore them after the Russian War was over, still only had one city, Babylon. Admittedly, Babylon was pretty big; but not scarily big.

And overall everything was looking pretty good. None of our neighbors were a match for America.


	15. Chapter 15: Our World

**Chapter 15: Our World**

The next few centuries were little more than America just sort of growing into the area we already controlled. It seemed obvious we were going to take charge of the land. Manifest, even. Destined! The Germans fell quickly. The Babylonians too, although a bit less so:

It all started when Leader Joe decided we'd build a Wonder; like the kind of Wonders merchants shipwrecked on our coasts from places that were so far away the merchants didn't even know how to get back to them told us about. Leader Joe said we'd truly be a great Civilization that way.

So in order to build this wonder, Leader Joe had all the resources in Washington pooled to make basically three huge piles of rock, which he said would be called the Pyramids. These would be a monument to stability and to the order of our nation in times of strife, and they would unfailingly remind us of what a great Civilization we were. In all honesty, as we were building the Pyramids, I must say they did look pretty wondrous; for piles of rock.

But wouldn't you know it, it turned out that the Babylonians were also building a set of Pyramids. And they finished theirs first; so naturally, we had to stop ours. This made Leader Joe furious. To keep him happy, me and the other Advisors -especially Trade- took all the resources from our Pyramid project and put them to use building a giant statue of Leader Joe. This "Colossus", we decided, would be almost as wondrous as the Pyramids; luckily for us, the Babylonians weren't building one of those as well. So we got it done on time, and everyone was happy, and merchants were especially happy because it made our port cooler, and it even made Leader Joe smile a bit and congratulate us.

But he was still angry. So we went to war with the Babylonians.

It wasn't an easy war. The Babylonians had big stone Walls around their city, the likes of which we'd never seen in other places. This meant that the Chariots we'd used against Russia and Germany simply wouldn't do: Babylonian defenses were too strong. But luckily, we had this new invention from the Science Advisor called Mathematics; and the kids in our schools still hate him for it; but it helped us build Catapults. Catapults are very impressive devices: they can launch projectiles of over ninety-five kilograms over three hundred meters -which is 209lbs over 984 feet! And so we lined a bunch of them outside Babylon, and began a bombardment. And bam! Just like that, down went the City Walls of Babylon.

And just like that, the whole continent was ours.

The first thing we did after we took Babylon was explore everything that was left on our continent with the Chariots that were left over from the war. We found a few goody huts, mostly good ones with money and a few new technologies, but also one with Barbarians; although these weren't too dangerous, and we put them down pretty quickly. Then, Leader Joe had a Revolution, which I admit was pretty scary. Attitude completely lost his cool, and there were Civil Disorders everywhere. But eventually, Leader Joe went out and talked to the people, and he told them about the Pyramids, and reminded everyone that they were a monument to stability and to the order of our nation in times of strife, and that they would unfailingly remind us of what a great Civilization we were. And everyone was indeed unfailingly reminded of what a great Civilization we were, and they just sort of calmed down. Specifically, our Babylonian citizens calmed down because they'd built the Pyramids themselves. Everyone else calmed down because they'd participated in conquering the Babylonians.

There was still a lot of changes in government after this: Attitude got sacked, because apparently he wasn't as cool as he looked. A lady replaced him. And me and Trade couldn't get as much of a cut from all the Production and Commerce anymore, because now all the local landlords became nobles, and they were part of the government, and they got their cut, but also they were responsible for getting the taxes in, so there was a lot less Corruption overall. Don't you know, it's not Corruption if you get your cut through the system! Still, I guess it's a good thing overall... Also, for some reason, the weather must have changed, because now all the advisors were wearing a lot less clothes, and a lot more bling, like the Babylonians used to do. I will say this: Trade can really rock a loincloth. Leader Joe also got a new expansion to his Palace, which by now was looking quite huge. And he also started a bunch of building programs in places other than his Palace.

With all the new technologies, American cities were changing.

Leader Joe, or King Joe, as we liked to call him now that we'd switched to Monarchy, had Temples built in every town with the Ceremonial Burial we got from the Babylonians. These really upped people's morale, as they got everyone get together and pray. This stopped a lot of Civil Disorders, and generally improved the moral fabric of our nation. Leader Joe also built Granaries, to manage the food supply and make sure that that everyone had food to eat all the time and that there was no famine. Trade and I in particular managed that. And the population started growing a lot faster.

But outside of Leader Joe's building program, there were also changes in little things: like with Pottery, people weren't using straw for their roofs anymore, but much more solid and insulating clay tiles started to pop up. And the American skyline totally changed because of it, becoming all red and pretty. And nobody ate in rock plates anymore, but in nice little clay dishes and decorated pots.

But Leader Joe was also building other things that weren't buildings. Like Settlers, to found new cities where previous cities had been destroyed in wars, and even in other places, in the parts of the continent that we'd just explored and where no Civilization had founded cities before, ever. And Leader Joe also had the Settlers build Roads and Irrigation. Remember Roads and Irrigation? When you have a Monarchy, they really increase your food and commerce production. And apparently Settlers can build them. The Russians had some, and so did the Germans, and the Babylonians had them everywhere; but Leader Joe had always said we'd get around to it in America once there was peace. Well, there was a lot of peace now. And we were getting around to it.

I also think this was the first time Trade and I really got to shine. Even if we didn't get cuts as big as before, there was honestly just more wealth to go around in general. At every turn, somewhere, the population was growing. At every turn, somewhere, someone was founding a city. With the Alphabet, and with Map-Making (which we'd gotten from the Germans) my job became a million times easier: I didn't have to remember everything my agents told me by heart; now I could just write things down. Alphabet (and Writing) are like a way to make clay tablets talk. You can even write stories! And with Map Making, you can make these huge drawings of the world on pulled hides or papyrus, and that way you know where everything is.

And on the big map in my mansion, displayed over the towers and towers of papers with lists of goods and of taxes and of revenues and population, every other turn, I got to draw a new line for a Road, or paint in a new set of red-and-blue lines for Irrigation. Or paint in a nice, big, Pink square for a new American city founded. And soon, the red and the blue and the brown and the Pink began to fill in the map. And gold and grain and resources continued to flow in. And, around the continent, I got to paint in the ocean deep blue to mark the limits of the world, even as we filled it up with our Civilization.

Of course, we knew there was other places out there... somewhere. And now that we had Map Making, Leader Joe even had one of the cities working on building a big ship, a Trireme, like the ones the Barbarians came in, to go find other Civilizations, wherever they were. And occasionally, we'd still get news from far-off lands. Two times, it was straight-up lists: someone would have put together a list of all the world's Civilizations and ranked them by some criterion or other; of course, the only one that still existed that we recognized was us. But apparently, we were the second largest Civilization in the world, and the first richest. This was good. It made Trade especially proud. Other times, the story was that someone had built a Wonder. Usually it was these people called Egyptians, whoever _they_ were. Other times still, my agents got similar bits of information about ongoing wars. It was usually Military that went in and shouted them at Leader Joe, though: "Greek Civilization Destroyed by the Mongols." "Roman Civilization destroyed by the Barbarians!" "English Civilization Destroyed by the Zulus!" But even the Military Advisor, who was yelling these things, didn't seem too concerned "English Civilization Destroyed by the Zulus!" Who _are_ the Zulus anyway?

At the end of the day, on our island, everything was going good. And the sea was just as calm and blue in real life as it was on my map.

A few days later, our first Trireme set sail.


	16. Chapter 16: Exploration

_A.N.: Feel bad about with how sporadically I update this story, and even more for putting up these author's notes. But this one's kind of important, and I know there's at least a few people actually following this, so I kind of have to: besides college pretty much taking up all my time, my computer fatally crashed earlier this year, and with it I lost a bunch of important files, including the rest of this story, which I'd written out in advance, and would edit as I posted it. That kind of put a damper on any and all progress. But since is this kinda my favourite story that I've posted on here, and since, again, there seems to be people actually reading this, I finally decided to get my shit together and pick it up again. Really hope you guys are still following. I've sadly found out I can't guarantee regular posts; but I'll do my best to keep them coming whenever I can, and I promise I'll, eventually, finish this thing._

 _Best, and thanks so much for the supportive comments._

 _-Oswald_

 **Chapter 16: Exploration**

Our Trireme's trip, it turned out, was more ominous than it was actually dangerous. Triremes are great and all, but apparently they can only sail along the coast; otherwise, they risk getting lost. Unless they're Barbarian Triremes, in which case they just appear out of the waves with a million Cavalry units in them or something, I don't know.

But in spite of this, Leader Joe came up with a very cunning strategy to maximize exploration while minimizing loss risk. In the relatively extended period of peace since we'd conquered Babylon, Leader Joe had had a new wonder built in Washington called the Lighthouse, a great big tower with, well, a light on top in order to guide ships into port. Thanks to the advanced technology and guiding system from said Lighthouse, our Trireme could travel a lot faster than it normally would have been able to. So, after first sailing it around the whole island once (and finding nothing), Leader Joe had the Trireme make several carefully planned trips: from each region on our continent's coast, it would set off into the ocean in a straight line as far as it could go, for as long as it could still return safely in one trip.

The Trireme covered a lot of water in these trips.

In one of them, we also came across a little island. There was nothing there, although Leader Joe still immediately ordered a Settler unit to be built to colonize the place. But more importantly, from that island, the Trireme could continue its exploration. And, going straight south, it ventured further than it ever had. Then, it took a gamble, and went a bit overboard, going one extra square rather than returning.

Fortune favours the bold, or so Trade tells me. The Trireme found land.

And on that land was a new and strange nation.

As the Trireme explored the coast, what it discovered left the sailors in awe: the land, whose inhabitants and soldiers carried bright Teal banners, as far as was visible from the ship, was rich, fertile, and deeply irrigated, and all criss-crossed with rivers and roads every bit as much as our own continent and then some. The Trireme first came within reach of a port city that was just a bit smaller than Washington. From its sheer size, the sailors assumed that would be the capital of the place. But then they came to a town called Memphis, that was almost half again as big. And they kept on going. And the next town was even bigger, and even for that one they weren't sure about whether it was the capital or not. The cities in this new land were rich and luxurious; the houses were beautiful; and the monuments massive, bigger than almost any construction in America except the wonders. Many of the cities had huge walls, like Babylon in its day. And they all had bright Teal banners flying over their tallest buildings.

And between the cities, units bustled to and fro, Settlers, hard at work, reinforcing the already stunning land improvements even more, and powerful armies, Phalanxes and Legions and Chariots, marching along the paved roads. There were even some types of units none of the sailors (or of my Intelligence agents, some of which accompanied the sailors on the ship in disguise) had ever seen before.

When news reached Washington, exactly halfway through August, I was informed first, as one of my agents passed me a coded message cunningly disguised as a birthday card.

"New civilization discovered."

But I only got the news a bit earlier than everyone else: it spread through the town like wildfire. Immediately, the Advisors were convened. The whole Palace was abuzz.

The sailor explorers were richly rewarded for their daring with silver, silver dollars to be precise, our new, more efficient Currency, and they were subsequently questioned by everyone on everything they had seen. There wasn't a soul in the government that didn't want to know absolutely everything about the inhabitants of this country, or that didn't have plans for them. Trade was practically rubbing his hands at the prospect of such a rich new continent to make commerce with, and considering the Caravans we could send there to make money -Caravans had been recently discovered by Science. Science wondered, for his part, even from the brief descriptions of our sailors what new technologies we might exchange with these people. Military said we had better send out an expeditionary party to contact them. I seconded that: after all, as my agents had informed me, we had not actually disembarked onto the new continent, or made contact with their Leader.

Leader Joe, however, frowned; and I sensed him getting antsy when the size of the cities was mentioned.

"No," he told Military bluntly "An exploration expedition isn't good enough."

He was clearly preparing something again.

"We need to mobilize the country. We're going to war."

Everyone was aghast. Trade was especially pissed; he gave me a look. Through his eyes, I could see his heart breaking at the thought of all that sweet, sweet caravan gold being flushed away.

Military spoke up:

"Sir, with all due respect. They are a very powerful Civilization. They have units we don't even know about. Fighting them on their own soil would be extremely dangerous."

"More dangerous than fighting them on our own land?" asked Leader Joe; Military had no rejoinder. This was how America decided to go to war again.


	17. Chapter 17: A Change of Plans

**Chapter 17: A Change of Plans**

Leader Joe seemed pretty adamant about waging this war. But while everyone else was stunnedly reacting to his ultimatum and generally giving voice to their surprise, I stayed silent. Trade nudged me, and said:

"We're in for an adventure now. I don't know how this is gonna go..."

I only gave him a nod, however; and even that was only because he was Trade and I liked him.

I was absorbed in my own thoughts. Ideas were flying through my head. Plans for the war. Thoughts about just how advanced these new enemies could be. Terrifying scenarios of what our troops would be up against. Even more terrifying scenarios of what would happen if we lost.

Terrifying scenarios about how costly and bad war would be in general, really, no matter who won.

But in the darkness of all these thoughts of fighting and death, an idea came up in my head; a gilded little glimmer of a way in which maybe, just maybe, we could _not_ be at as much of a disadvantage as I was afraid we were at.

Now, of course, maybe I was being paranoid. After all, if Leader Joe wanted to stage an invasion, he probably knew what he was doing. Who was I to tell him not to do it? But the thought was gnawing at my mind; and I had to speak up.

I whispered my thoughts to Trade.

"Outright war isn't a good idea," I said underneath my voice. "Leader Joe is right that we have to carry out a war, but…" I went on, briefly detailing a plan.

Trade's eyes opened wide for a second, and then narrowed as he frowned and slightly nodded, thinking about what he'd heard. His thoughts were passing rapidly; they were the quick, calculated thoughts of a merchant.

"You're probably right," Trade soon declared "Heck. No. You're definitely right."

That encouragement was all I needed; knowing that one of my fellow Advisors was behind me, I finally spoke up:

"Sir," I told Leader Joe "I won't object to the war. But I propose we first send an espionage mission."

Leader Joe looked in my direction, mostly probably surprised; I didn't talk that much in meetings. In fact, I could barely remember the last time I had done so; and even if I did talk, it was usually to give information, not opinions. I balked a bit. But no. I was an Advisor in a Monarchy, damnit, and I would have my say!

"Your Majesty," I continued, in the most charming way I could "We know, from what our sailors have seen from the ships, that the people of this new country have vast armies. And their technology may be beyond anything we can imagine."

Leader Joe nodded:

"It very probably is," he said.

"It very probably is," I repeated back at him, with smile "But… well. I, and all of us, have let the Military Advisor, and the Science Advisor, and even the Domestic Advisor, talk on many matters. But," here I took on a more imposing demeanour, and started to speak more like I was giving a speech: "Armies come and go. And technology certainly gets things done, I'll grant that; but only provided you have the funding. And while the loyalty of people is an important thing, it can be bought."

"Where power, where true power is, is in pulling the strings from behind the scenes, and in secret meetings and secret deals, and, most especially, in money. It's soft power, true. But it's true power. Your Majesty… King Joe… My Leader, I tell you this: whether you're advanced or primitive, gold is gold, and a deal is a deal. A Barbarian tribesman arriving in a big, civilized city with a bag of money can buy any and all of the gadgets from the most advanced civilization. And no matter what technology you have, good luck implementing it without funds. Money, not technology or weaponry, is what really rules the world. And money is something we have; and it is something that, with the expertise of my agents, a vast and well-trained network may I add, probably the best in the world, we can throw at these strange new people."

Leader Joe narrowed his eyes:

"Go on," he said.

"For all these reasons," I said "With the backing of your Trade Advisor,"

Here, Trade nodded in assent:

"With the backing of your Trade Advisor," I continued "I propose—naturally, without stopping the war preparations—but I propose, on top of them, we send a Diplomatic mission to one of the cities on this new continent. I propose we rush the production of a Diplomat and a Trireme, and possibly a strong military unit, in one of our southern cities. The Trireme will carry our small expedition as fast as possible over the sea, and let them disembark, with a small escort, within a safe distance of one of _their_ cities. From there, we will go into that city. We will be carrying a very large sum of gold. And with that, I promise you, we will do them more damage than a much larger army of Catapults or Phalanxes ever could. We will definitely steal one of their advanced technologies. And, if there is enough money, we may even cause a revolt, and make their city defect to our side."

Leader Joe reflected a bit. He looked like this was genuinely something he hadn't thought of; and that was a very rare expression to see on his face. He gave a nod, and agreed.

"Very well," he finally said "I approve of your plan. We are still preparing for a full-on war. All production in the country will be changed to weaponry immediately. But we will also produce a Diplomat. That will be our first landing force. All money will, of course, be diverted directly to the treasury for the war efforts... I'm sorry, Science. It is true that money can buy almost anything, But generally speaking, citizens of advanced civilizations charge a lot for their loyalty. One of their technologies we can probably get at no cost. But a revolt might cost almost all, if not all of our funds. So we better get to saving. This expedition is going to be a combined military _and_ diplomatic effort."

To that, no-one had any tenable objection.

After this, the meeting was adjourned.

At home, Trade came up to me:

"Nice speech Intel," he said "I definitely agreed with the part about the money,"

I nodded at him, and politely thanked him:

"Thanks," I said "Hopefully, the war will be less costly overall this way. In money, resources, and, well, lives."

Trade chuckled at that.

I was actually very happy my proposal had gone through. I was especially happy Trade had liked it.

However, I didn't have much time to celebrate this little personal victory. I was, of course, going to join my top agents, who were all on the Diplomatic mission, in the new continent. And we were leaving as soon as possible.

We set off in the middle of the night; Trade had sent some very, very large chests of gold that we were going to be carrying with us for the mission, in order to do things like bribe guards or city officials, or fund mercenaries or rebels against the enemy government once we got there. One of my agents passed me a toffee (we had just discovered sugar and were rapidly making it into various forms of candy). I saw it was a clever ruse, because there was a note on the inside of the papyrus wrapper, scribbled in a hasty, difficult but unmistakeable merchant's hand.

"Good luck, Intel."

Signed, Trade.

We embarked, and the ship set off over a perfectly black sea, with only the stars to guide us.


End file.
